Tom Riddle and the Curse of Witch Weekly
by The Carnivorous Muffin
Summary: It finally happens, Witch Weekly discovers Lily and Tom Riddle's newfound relationship, Lily attempts to navigate the consequences with little success. Side fic to "October"


**Author's Note: To those of you about to read this I warn that this is a side fic of "October" and if you aren't caught up to chapter 32 (where this thing happens) then you will be very confused. Also this is so obviously not canon. With that enjoy**

* * *

"Scandal at Hogwarts: Middle Aged Muggle Studies Professor, Tom Marvolo Riddle, Dates Barely Legal Former Student and Current Potions Apprentice, Lily Evans!"

Witch Weekly was one of Lily's guilty pleasure subscriptions, it wasn't exactly something she'd lie about reading, but it did make her feel vaguely ashamed when she remembered that she did read the wizarding world equivalent of a female oriented gossip rag magazine.

Lily liked to believe, and present to others, that she was mostly above things like Witch Weekly and could be taken just as seriously as any of her male pureblood counterparts. Although, given that her male counterparts like James Potter and Sirius Black (who people took far more seriously than they should) both were obsessed with quidditch and juvenile pranks that often bordered on harassment, Lily thought she was more than due her trash magazines.

Still, for all her secret joy over reading about the latest juicy scandals rocking the Wizarding World, she had never expected her own name to appear on the front cover. Yet, there it was, along with a picture of her and Tom in Diagon Alley, both looking so sappy and lovesick that they almost belonged in a romantic comedy.

So, Lily, at breakfast at the very start of the school year, flipping through the magazine and desperately reading through the article, could only say one thing for it, "Oh, bloody buggering fuck."

She looked up noting that like her everyone had received Witch Weekly and the Prophet at around the same time in the morning. About half in the great hall (mostly the male half) only appeared to have the prophet and was flipping idly as they took in the daily news, the other half though, oh, they were looking right at Lily, then at Tom, their eyes wide and their expressions horrified and shocked and then gleeful as they too tore through to the article itself and began reading with desperation.

And now that they were done the Witch Weekly readers were shoving the magazine to their less enlightened friends, giggling and pointing, and like a plague it swept through the room until there was no possible escaping it.

"What?" and Tom, blessed Tom sitting next to her, had only just looked up and was so generally indifferent to student gossip, especially about himself, that he hadn't even noticed yet that he and Lily were perfectly doomed.

Tom would probably be mortified if not horrified to know, but the truth was that Lily had liked him long before she had graduated Hogwarts and turned eighteen. Possibly from the very beginning, when she was eleven years old, there had always been something about him.

Of course, everyone had had a crush on the handsome Muggle Studies Professor Riddle, even if they were pureblood and would never ever admit it to anyone. Not only did he look much younger than every other professor and looked like he belonged in movies and television, but he also had an air of maturity, intelligence, authority, and sheer charisma that had made him basically irresistible to preteen girls.

It was almost Hogwarts tradition at this point, the obligatory crush on Professor Riddle, and it was no coincidence that the first year of Muggle Studies was disproportionately filled with girls. Lily herself, though genuinely interested in taking Muggle Studies, had been no exception.

The only real difference was that for one reason or another, most girls grew out of the Professor Riddle infatuation. They became interested in more attainable boys, they just matured and realized that while Professor Riddle was nice to look at he wasn't that nice to have, or maybe they even discovered that maybe he was just a bit too eccentric with his muggle suits, exacting standards, and infamously short temper and that they'd probably be better off with someone far less strange.

Lily, of course, never had.

After Tom had told her everything, his strange confession, she'd gone home and wondered if maybe she'd done herself a disservice with that. Maybe, if she hadn't been so focused on Professor Riddle back then boys like Severus and even arrogant toe rag James Potter wouldn't have paled so much by comparison. She could have found herself a nice guy, a normal guy, who didn't have so much… baggage. Maybe, she thought, it was what Tom himself had said, that she'd painted this idealized version of himself inside her head that was completely divorced from what he really was.

A sociopath who had been fully willing to indifferently murder one of his classmates, pin the blame on another, and allow his best friend to shoulder the guilt for the rest of her life.

Except… She had decided then, and even after, that time had changed him. Even if he had been that Tom Riddle back then, he wasn't the same person now, and Lily was infinitely glad the one she'd met was so very different from what he described.

Which brought Lily right back into the rather mortifying present, undoubtedly Tom's secret fear and his main hesitance on doing anything remotely official with Lily plastered on the front page of Witch Weekly for everyone to see.

She could always not show him, she thought, except he'd find out soon enough and better from her here and now rather than in his first class. Although she would have liked to soften the blow in private, maybe his office, but if they snuck off now…

Lily flushed, she could only imagine the rumors that would circulate then.

So silently, cringing, Lily passed him her own copy of Witch Weekly. At first, at the title, he merely looked at her, his pale blue eyes rather flat and his dark eyebrows dubiously raised in judgement to which Lily would have normally stared defiantly back (because given his own confession he had no room to talk about any of Lily's trashy magazine reading) but today just waited for him to actually look at the cover.

And then he did, and she watched as his pale features, normally composed in a wry smile or quiet pensive stoicism paled further and a dawning horror began to over take them. He flipped open the magazine as she had, tearing through the pages, until there he was at the article itself, reading all about how he was a dirty (if hot) old man who was now taking advantage of only technically legal girls and the pair had been seen all over Diagon Alley, this was there along with what the world knew of his own checkered past on Mars and how everyone had known he was a cradle robbing creep.

And then, Tom's flare for the dramatics won over his common sense as he stood, for all the great hall to see, and threw down the magazine and crying out, "Goddammit!"

Then he stormed off, undoubtedly to his classroom where he'd have some sort of swearing fit before classes started, leaving Lily alone at the table with the rest of the staff who was turning to stare at her with stern disapproval (since Tom was no longer available to stare at) while in the great hall children began to jeer, wolf-whistle, and giggle until Dumbledore stood and told them all to settle down already.

And suddenly Lily understood exactly why Tom had been so very concerned about dating her in the first place.

* * *

"Tom?"

It had been… A long day on Lily's end. Her class of first year Potions had been a disaster, thank god it was the only one she taught today and her third-year class and other first year classes wouldn't be until later in the week.

The first thing one of the cheeky asshole Gryffindor boys had asked, with a lecherous grin that no eleven-year-old should have, was "So, Professor Evans, is Professor Riddle good in bed?"

Naturally, he now had detention for the rest of the year.

It hadn't gotten much better after that, while no one had said anything else, there had still been giggling and whispering the whole time. Of course, Lily thought with a small almost Sev like smirk on her face, they all paid for it with their lack of attention to their potions. None of them would be getting any kind of a decent grade for their work today.

Still, stepping into Tom's office, and seeing him staring at the ceiling like a man who had given up all hope on life, Lily assumed it had been much worse for him.

"Oh, Tom, I'm…" she trailed off, because she wasn't sorry, not really, certainly not about dating him or showing interest in him in the first place, but it wasn't nearly as bad for her as it had to be for him. Lily, after all, had been painted as the victim or the too eager school girl, he'd been the cradle robber.

She sat down in the chair in front of his desk, and sitting there she couldn't help but smile, how many times had she sat in this chair? Towards the end it was only her and Arthur who really monopolized Professor Riddle's office hours. Most of the time, towards the end, she'd barely even had an excuse to be in here.

He just… It wasn't that he went out of his way to look like he understood, or even try to listen, most of the time when she ranted about James Potter or Gryffindor or what not he looked bored out of his mind, but all the same she'd thought they had a connection even then that allowed him to understand so much more than everyone else. About what it really meant to be a gifted muggle born student in Hogwarts.

He let out a long sigh, still looking at the ceiling, and said, "I should have listened to Minerva."

For a moment Lily could only stare, not quite sure what that meant, until he finally looked at her with that self-deprecating half smile and explained, "Minerva was the opinion, long before this damned article, that I was a dirty old man for even thinking of dating you."

Lily flushed, suddenly feeling that much more self-conscious and wondering just what it was Tom saw in her, if she really did look just like a silly school girl to him as she blurted, "You're not a dirty old man!"

"By definition," he countered, in again that wry and dry tone he always would settle into, "Lily, I am a very dirty old man who is dating only technically legal former students."

"I am more than technically legal," Lily said, leaning forward and now becoming genuinely upset at his and everyone else's disregard of her own opinions, "I am perfectly legal, and I don't care what Witch Weekly says and…"

He cut her off, rubbing at his temples as he explained, "Oh, Lily, yes you do."

Then with another sigh and a rather pointed look, his pale blue eyes seeming to cut through her entirely, explained, "You do realize that everyone will judge you for this, don't you? This is only the beginning, I guarantee you your old friend Severus will make an appearance and judge both you and I very harshly. That's not even getting to your other friends and admirers…"

"I don't…" Lily stopped herself, stopped short of saying that she didn't care what Severus thought, because that wasn't true and they both knew it. None the less, she corrected herself and continued, "Severus can think what he likes, I'm an adult and he's not in charge of my life or my choices. As for everyone else, well, they can go stuff it."

Tom frowned, no doubt thinking she was being far too flippant about what he saw as a far larger issue, and seemed to almost pity her for a moment, "Would that I had your bull-headed optimism."

He looked fond though, his smile softer, and looking at her that way he sometimes, recently, did that made her think that for all she had always liked and admired Professor Riddle there was so much more to him than she could have ever guessed then. Like he could see something about her that even James or Severus were simply incapable of seeing, something at once precious and heartfelt.

So, it was with confidence, and a smile of her own, that Lily stated, "Well, I hope you just don't expect me to go breaking up with you over all of this."

The sardonic was back, his expression shifting once again, as he said, "We'll see, it's early yet, and you may choose to be reasonable."

She wondered if he really thought that. Probably, Tom seemed to think that… Well, not that Lily wasn't serious, or she didn't mean it, but that she'd realize soon enough that she was being very stupid and would change her mind.

That time and maturity would teach her just what a fool she was being.

And that…

Sometimes, Lily thought, that worried her more than anything else about Tom Riddle.

Still, she hardly let that show on her face now

"Haven't you heard?" Lily asked with a grin as she pulled him up from behind his desk, determined to get him down to dinner at a reasonable hour and to stop moping already, "We Gryffindors are never reasonable."

He laughed at that, a short and rather amused thing, but it was good enough and considering how the day had gone thus far she was more than willing to take it.

* * *

Severus, as Tom had predicted, sent her a letter within the week and was meeting her that next Sunday in Hogsmeade. It was…

She didn't know what to make of her and Sev's relationship at this point, honestly, Tom seemed to think that if she wasn't dating him then wedding bells were sure to be in her and Sev's future but Lily found that highly doubtful for a number of reasons.

The first was that she had never felt that way about Sev, they had been best friends for most of Hogwarts, yes but that didn't mean she'd ever felt like dating him either. She hated to say it but part of it was that she just didn't find him attractive, but it was more than that, she just couldn't see herself dating him. Friends, yes, but dating? He was too cold, too jagged, and he needed so much from her. Even as a friend growing up he had always needed…

Still, that was only part of it, the other was that Lily wasn't even sure if she and Severus were really friends anymore. He'd… That day in fifth year had hurt, more than words could possibly say it had hurt, and for a while she had been more than willing to cast him off just as easily as he could her and people like her.

It had taken time and perspective to even prepare herself to forgive him, and even then… She doubted they would ever be as close as they were, or if she could ever truly, in her heart of hearts, trust him again.

Perhaps this was hypocritical of her, Tom had pointed out that he had done far worse, if not to her then to people she knew. That, in itself, made her more willing to forgive Severus, and yet… It was different, somehow to her, it was different enough that she could never equate Tom and Severus no matter their sins and their bitterness and hatred.

Either way, after receiving too many letters to count from just about everyone she knew and then some (James Potter's letter was naturally burned as soon as she received it), here she was on what should have been an ordinary Sunday in the beginning of the year, at The Three Broomsticks with Severus sitting glumly across from her.

Sitting there she couldn't help but think maybe they should have met in The Hogshead, sure it was a creepy dive, but at least no one would be in there to stare at her… That was what had gotten to her this last week, the staring and the whispering, it haunted her every step in the hallway and every time she so much as looked at Tom or even talked to him there was a mass eruption of giggling.

Tom seemed to be going slowly mad, as he assigned more detentions than he ever had before to girls who apparently burst into tears inside his office or in class and called Lily a whore for daring to take handsome untouchable Professor Riddle away from them.

Or something to that effect, Tom, naturally, refused to talk about it.

Still, like it or not Lily and Sev were in The Three Broomsticks with just about everyone staring and whispering, undoubtedly wondering if Lily was now a giant slut cheating on Tom with her old childhood friend Severus Snape.

Finally, Sev spoke first, "Lily, did he threaten you?"

And as soon as he opened his mouth Lily felt herself wondering if this was really how this conversation was apparently going to go. Apparently, it was, Severus looked deathly serious, his dark eyes piercing through her and burning, as if by staring at her long enough he could somehow light Tom on fire for daring to even think himself worthy of touching her.

That, perhaps, was what was getting to Lily the most about all of this. Not that Tom was automatically assumed to be some lecherous creep, but that Lily herself had been reduced to an object, this helpless victim who if she'd had any real choice in the matter clearly would have run away from Tom at the first opportunity.

Like Tom had had to place her under the imperius curse to even get her to step near him.

"No, Sev, he didn't threaten me," Lily said, taking a sip of her drink and trying her best to control her own rising temper.

By the look on his face Severus hardly believed her.

"I'm serious, is it that hard to believe that I like him? That maybe I pressured him into it?" Lily asked, which was more or less true, certainly if Lily hadn't made the first moves, hadn't been determined to insert herself into his life by almost any means possible, then Tom wouldn't have done anything at all.

Severus sneered, eyeing her in disapproval, and said simply, like Lily was being unbelievably stupid and naïve and had no idea what she'd gotten herself into this time, "He's not what you think he is."

Lily could almost scoff at that, she was pretty sure, after everything he'd told her and admitted to, that she knew him almost better than anyone in the world, "And who exactly do you think I think Tom Riddle is?"

He didn't answer, didn't need to, it was evident in his expression that he thought Lily worshipped him like all the other school girls had without a thought in her head that maybe he was more than simply handsome eye-candy.

And just who did Severus think he was? Walking back into her life, after having thrown her out years ago now for simply having the audacity to be a muggle born, and telling her that Tom Riddle was clearly taking advantage of her like she had no thought or ability to choose for herself? Did he really think so little of her?

Had he always thought so little of her, from the very beginning? That without his timely advice and intervention Lily would undoubtedly let herself be destroyed by monsters like some virginal maiden in a tower?

"Believe me," Lily finally said, a bit harsher than she intended, probably harsher towards Severus than he'd ever heard her be before, "I know who he is, certainly better than you, and I know he's hardly a saint."

And Severus sneered again, not even letting her finish, as he said, "You don't know what that bastard is at all."

She threw the contents of her drink over him, watched as he blinked, wiped it out of his eyes and looked at her furious expression, perhaps comprehended for the first time in this conversation that he had gone too far this time, as Lily bid him goodbye simply by saying, "Fuck you, Sev."

* * *

Lily received another too thick envelope from James Potter, without even looking at it, she burned it in the fire place.

* * *

The next week Lily walked in on Minerva comforting Tom. Or at least, that was what it looked like. Lily… Didn't know too much of the specifics of Tom's relationship with Minerva McGonagall, it was clear that they were friends, best friends even, but Tom had never seemed like the type to have many close friends.

More, given how much he and Minerva argued, it was hard to believe that these two could ever have ended up friends even when they'd both been in school (and it still boggled her mind sometimes that they had graduated in the same year).

Lily stood awkwardly in the doorway to his office as she watched the pair of them. He had his head on his office desk, staring down at the floor, looking again like he was wishing he was dead and had no motivation left to do anything while a rather smug Minerva McGonagall sat across from him.

"You can't say you didn't see this coming, Tom," Minerva noted without any sympathy at all, which from what Lily had seen, was about the way she always interacted with Tom.

"I warned you, you even warned me for that matter, and if you can't handle the consequences of your own scandalous behavior then…"

Tom didn't even bother to lift his head as he cut her off, "Minerva, do shut up."

This seemed to just make her smugger, as if he'd gone and proved her point, "Honestly, Tom, even you can see that they have a point. Let the girl go and date people her own age."

"You talk like I have any say in the matter," Tom scoffed, and honestly, that was rather heartwarming to Lily, because at least of all people Tom Riddle recognized that Lily did and always had had a choice in all of this.

Minerva McGonagall, however, hardly seemed convinced, at once seeming more like Lily's old head of house than Lily's coworker and colleague.

"You do have a say in the matter and as the much older party you should be reasonable, Tom," Minerva said, "You're much too old for her, everyone knows it, and I think even she would know it if she wasn't almost as stubborn as you."

Did anyone respect her, Lily wondered to herself almost in desperate nauseating fear. Was it really only Tom who could look at her and think that a relationship took more than one person? What did everyone else even see? And what about Tom did he…

Did he secretly think she was a silly little girl too?

Suddenly, standing there like an unnoticed idiot, she recognized how slowly their relationship was going. Sure, she now knew perhaps too much about him, but… But they'd only kissed at this point, held hands a few times, they hadn't gone even remotely further than that and it seemed like Tom had almost no intention to.

For all the scandal they were barely even dating at all!

Suddenly she didn't want to hear Tom's answer, didn't even want to think about it as she stepped in with a rather awkward smile, making her presence known, "Hello, I just thought I'd stop by and see how things are going…"

At least he smiled at her whenever she entered a room, at least he still looked more than happy to see her. That had to be a good sign, didn't it?

* * *

The first Hogsmeade weekend of the year she was accosted by none other than the infamous Marauders, all goddamn four of the assholes, with James Potter as always at their head as they dragged her off to The Three Broomsticks for what they deemed 'an intervention'.

Lily, sitting there fuming, was starting to hate The Three Broomsticks.

"What do you want, James?" Lily asked, barely even looking at the other three, she'd felt bad for Remus during school, he'd always seemed to just be dragged along for the ride, Peter she'd always felt like he was trying to desperately maintain his cool image by being Sirius and James' whipping boy, but whatever sympathy she had for any of them at this point was completely gone as she sat there grinding her teeth and just waiting to see what these assholes would have to say.

After Severus, and then Minerva, she thought she was game for just about anything.

And sure enough, the first thing out of James Potter's lips were, "Lily, look, we're all getting really concerned."

James Potter looked as handsome as ever, as did Sirius Black, let it be known that Lily had never called them unattractive, and lord was James Potter trying right now as he had tried all throughout Hogwarts to catch her attention. The trouble was it wasn't that James had never looked good, or she hadn't noticed that he looked good, it was that he completely counteracted this by being a giant braggart, a bully, and a complete and utter uncomprehending dick.

This intervention being a prime example of his and the Maruader's complete all around dickishness.

At least Remus, glancing at him, had the decency to look somewhat chagrinned.

Sirius picked up where James had left off, sending her a winning smile that was probably meant to have Lily knocked back by how dazzling it was, "We read all about your 'dating' thing with Professor Riddle and… Really, Lily, you know he's ancient right? I mean, he's Professor McGongall old."

Lily frowned tightly, knuckles white against her glass, "I'm not stupid, Sirius."

"Right, right, Sirius never meant you were stupid," James quickly covered, shooting Sirius a glare as he continued to look at Lily with imploring sympathy, as if by facial expressions alone he could prove just how sensitive to Lily he truly was, "Just that… We really didn't think you'd thought this whole thing through. I mean, Lily, he was your professor, that alone is creepy and gross. What if he was thinking about… you know… Back when you were a student?"

Oh, of course he went there. Lily merely smiled, laced her hands together, and said, "Funny, James, I'm more than certain you were thinking of bending me backwards over desks like a naughty schoolgirl back when we were in Hogwarts."

James spluttered and flushed while Sirius crowed with delight, like Lily had just gone and made his day, finally James seemed to compose himself enough to say, "That's not the same and you know it! Lily, he's old and creepy and a smarmy bastard! Why are you dating him?!"

"You mean why aren't I dating you, James?" Lily asked with raised eyebrows, a trait she'd picked up from Tom, as she cut directly to no doubt what was at the heart of this whole thing, "Well, there are so very many reasons, I don't think I could possibly list them all."

She was about to say more when Tom himself walked in. Lily paled, everyone froze, watching as Tom's eyes swept the room and finally landed on the four of them. For a moment he merely stared, looked at Lily with a glance that showed his own exasperation as well as his pleading for them not to be gossiping about him like school girls. And without a word, without a glance more, he strode right back out the door.

And that, Tom's complete mortification and inability to process, was what tipped Lily right over the edge, "Alright, I think I'm done."

"Done?! But Lily!" James stood, the table wobbling beneath his hands as he looked at her with pleading desperation, begging her to understand that Tom was a dirty pedophile.

Lily, as it was, was already out the goddamn door.

* * *

The rest of that day, even after all the students had been chaperoned back to Hogwarts, it all started to consume her. This idea that no one seemed to think she was able to make any decision for herself, that all these people who had said they respected her decisions, respected her as a person, apparently thought she wasn't capable of handling any meaningful decision at all. Or worse, that even if she was making a mistake, she didn't have the capacity to face the consequences and fix it herself.

Sure, when she was the greatest witch of her generation they'd talk all they liked about how smart and talented she was, what a strong independent woman she was, but when she's dating Tom Riddle she's the traumatized little girl who was so clearly being taken advantage of by a deplorable man posing as a Muggle Studies professor.

More, the idea that maybe Tom didn't take her seriously either, that maybe the reason there hadn't been anything really sexual about their relationship was because they barely had a relationship at all. Maybe she was just a fling, that he was as homosexual as he'd once thought he was, still pining after a Martian god emperor while Lily stood there looking like an idiot.

Maybe that was why, in rage and desperation, she'd decided that come hell or high water she and Tom were doing it tonight no matter what anybody thought about it.

And if Tom was secretly into that whole teacher-student fantasy scenario, then goddammit, Lily could do that too!

That was how, after far too much effort and creativity with locking spells Lily managed to break into Tom's house dressed in her seventh year Hogwarts uniform, with a muggle boom box playing Barry White, lounging on the couch as Tom himself walked in and then stared at her without an expression on his face at all.

" _I've heard people say that too much of anything is not good for you, baby,"_ Barry White seductively murmured as the music began to play in the background.

Lily looked at him in the most seductive manner she could, dangled a pair of fuzzy handcuffs in front of her as she sultrily said, "Professor Riddle, I do believe I've earned a detention."

Tom didn't move from the doorway, didn't even close the door, just stared at her, close mouthed and pale as if he couldn't quite believe what he was seeing.

" _But I don't know about that, there's many times that we've loved, we've shared love and made love, it doesn't seem to me like it's enough. There's just not enough of it, there's not enough."_

"Well, professor?" Lily questioned, sultrily, as all of this was quite sultry, giving him a rather coy smile that she had practiced in a mirror in a fit of rage earlier that day, just in time as the music picked up.

" _My darling I, can't get enough of your love, babe. Girl, I don't know, I don't know why I can't get enough of your love, babe."_

Moving like lighting Tom turned off the music and yanked the handcuffs out of her hand, then, with a look at her, he threw up his arms and fled to the kitchen to where he immediately began to pour two drinks out.

"Tom!" Lily shouted, stumbling after him, watching as he downed the drink, eyed hers, then downed it.

"Tom, what I…" she stopped, felt her face burning as it all came crashing down, this whole humiliating venture and the whole humiliating month. Finally, she sat in a chair and asked, "Tom, do you even like me?"

He stopped, eyed her, and even with the alcohol flushing his cheeks he reached out and said, "Of course, I like you, I like you far far too much."

She wished that could reassure her, but after everything, after all of this, suddenly it was too overwhelming, and she started to cry right in front of him. Here she was, dressed like an idiot, playing Barry White after breaking into his house to seduce him, and she was a sobbing mess.

"Lily," she felt his hand on her cheek, brushing away the thick tears but she only shook her head, feeling so very stupid.

She tried to wipe away her own tears, failing miserably as she flushed under his concerned gaze, "God, I feel so stupid, and young, and like no one has ever taken me seriously. Tom… Are we even really dating?"

"Unfortunately for both of us," he said with that wry and somehow tender smile, that laughed softly at them both as a friend might.

"But do you even want me? Really want me?" she asked, motioning to herself and then to him, "Is this… Isn't this what you and everyone else thinks you want?"

"Do I want you to break into my house in a ham-fisted attempt to seduce me by posing as a naughty school girl?" Tom asked, pressing a drink into her hands, "Not particularly, no."

"No, I meant…" she stopped, looked at him almost desperately, then asked, "Do you want me, Tom?"

His eyes widened, his cheeks flushed, and he looked so much younger when he did that, as if he really was only a few years older than her rather than decades. Almost desperately he took another drink, probably a drink too many as the flush stayed on his cheeks and his eyes dulled, but all the same he admitted, rather hoarsely, "Yes, I… Yes, but it's complicated."

Lily shook her head, taking her own drink, and without any understanding asked, "How is it complicated?"

Finally, after another drink, a hesitant pause, and his face an ungodly shade of red he admitted, "I… I'm a virgin, Lily."

Lily paused, stared, felt herself blush as she tried to put two and two together. Of course, she herself was a virgin, but she'd always assumed… But then, Tom had only ever mentioned Azrael the Ubik emperor in his story, and he had mentioned that they never got far, but she had always figured that…

"Oh," she simply said, taking another drink, and then the magnitude of what he said truly hit her, "Oh my god."

"I know," he said, still flushing, now diverting his eyes from her to stare at a wall as if only it could sympathize with him.

"Oh, no, it's fine, I mean, I'm a virgin…"

She trailed off as he shot a look at her, as if to ask if she had really just told him that, and that there was no comparison between her being a virgin and him being a virgin. For better or worth girls like Lily were expected to be virgins, middle-aged men like Tom weren't.

"Right, I…" Lily stopped drank, and continued, "Right."

Oh god this was awkward.

"Lily, I am… More than willing to sleep with you," Tom finally said, still looking away from her, "I am in fact entirely too willing to sleep with you. But surely, if I've held it off this long, we can do better than naughty school girl role play with fuzzy handcuffs and Barry White."

Lily couldn't help but laugh, smile somewhat, feeling the alcohol getting to her (and she'd undoubtedly regret this tomorrow) as she said, "You're really quite the romantic, aren't you, Tom?"

"As long as you don't call me Professor Riddle as I bend you over my office desk," he said, and she couldn't help but burst into laughter at that, because it was such a him thing to say in a situation like this.

"Well, then," Lily said as she snorted into her drink, "You have to promise not to say, 'you've been a very naughty girl Miss Evans' before the foreplay begins."

Tom laughed in turn, his smile widening and becoming more genuinely bright and amused, his blue eyes sparkling in the dim lighting of his kitchen, "Oh, but Lily, you have been a very naughty girl."

She held up a glass to his in a proposed toast, "To Witch Weekly!"

He clinked his glass against hers, his smile never dimming, "To Witch Weekly."

And somehow, Lily thought, all of this was more than worth the mortification and the hangover.

* * *

 **Author's Note: Prompted by the 1700th reviewer of "October" Vinelle who asked for a fic featuring Tom's mortification, Lily's point of view, Witch Weekly, and fuzzy handcuffs. Because nothing is more hilarious than Tom dying of shame.**

 **Thank you for reading, reviews are much appreciated.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**


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